


He, Him, the Other Guy, and Me

by b00mgh



Series: Twelve Days of Ficmas 2019 [4]
Category: The Other Woman (2014), 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Alternate Universe-The Other Woman Fusion, Cheating, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Revenge, We get there when we get there, but i needed a guy, but it does have plot so, hawks is not a bastard, just know i am funny, ships listed are endgame, this is almost crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:00:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21844807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b00mgh/pseuds/b00mgh
Summary: ya know the movie with Cameron Diaz and those other gorgeous ladies whose names I always forget? The Other Woman? So go watch it, but if you don't have time for that the basic plot is that lawyer lady meets *~*nice man*~* and they like each other and all that but then he goes home one time (he said a pipe burst at the house) and she shows up wearing a sexy plumber outfit and his wife opens the door. Cue both of them flipping their gd lids, becoming slowburn friends, adopting another mistress/victim, revealing bastard man's history of tax fraud/absenteeism/embezzlement/(idk money word am not money major) and absolutely wrecking his life in righteous retribution.
Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Kirishima Eijirou, Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto
Series: Twelve Days of Ficmas 2019 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1570897
Kudos: 4





	He, Him, the Other Guy, and Me

**Author's Note:**

> ya know the movie with Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann and Kate Upton and Nicki Minaj? The Other Woman? So go watch it, but if you don't have time for that the basic plot is that lawyer lady meets *~*nice man*~* and they like each other and all that but then he goes home one time (he said a pipe burst at the house) and she shows up wearing a sexy plumber outfit and his **wife** opens the door. Cue both of them flipping their gd lids, because he's been cheating on both of them, becoming slowburn friends, adopting another mistress/victim, revealing his history of tax fraud/absenteeism/embezzlement/(idk money word am not money major) and absolutely wrecking his life in righteous retribution.  
> STARRING!  
> Todoroki Shouto as "I'm Not Here To Make Friends, I'm Here To Make Legal Allegations" (Carly)  
> Midoriya Izuku as "It's Not About Him Cheating On You, It's The Friends We Make Along The Way!" (Kate)  
> Kirishima Eijirou as "We're Gonna Find Out What He Knows..." (Amber)  
> Bakugo Katsuki as "I Never Liked That Guy, Or Anyone Else" (Hybrid of Phil and another "mistress")  
> Ashido Mina as "Selfish. People. Live. Longer." (Lydia)  
> and Takami "Hawks" Keigo as "I Get More Ass Than A Toilet Seat" (Mark)

“No, I’m his husband.”

A husband.

Nearly six months of seeing Keigo. And he had. A husband. 

The man looked so nice– that’s the worst part! Had the flaccid tangle of green curls dragged itself to the door somberly, or had the freckles alighted with a dusting of red, stomping anger, or had the hands been clenched in tight frustration, Shouto could have taken him head-on like any other challenge. Overcame. Conquered, even. He could have fought for Takami Keigo like the powerful business lawyer he was, icy determination and fiery passion in each hand. It was like Miina said: “Selfish. People. Live. Longer.” He could have been selfish if this man didn’t look so fucking  _ happy _ .

“Honey, I made dinner” happy.

“Darling, you’re so cute when you’re asleep” happy.

“Babe, what do you think of this shirt” happy. 

But no, Keigo had a fucking househusband, and Shouto was still standing on the doorstep dressed in too-tight short-shorts and suspenders, holding a plunger, eyes wide and blank like an error popup on an illegal video streaming site: Please Download Update To Continue. 

“Can I… help you?” the husband’s eyes are searching, politely pensive in a way that means he’s got too many thoughts and never enough outlets for them. He might have already put this together.

Shouto does his best to hide everything behind an impassive resolution to make this all one big accident. Everything is always “an accident,” in his life, it seems. Why should Keigo be an exception? 

“Oh, I think I have the wrong house,” Shouto’s lie is strained at best, and he knows it, but his tongue is cotton and his limbs are sawdust, he’s all but floating away as he backs up from the doorway. “Yep, I’m looking for Kei–… yeah, Hakasu Kei.”

“Not Takami Keigo?” the husband clarifies. 

“ _ No _ ,” Shouto clears his throat as he feels a flush rise from his abdomen to his ears, “no,” he reaffirms. “Yeah, I, uh, I think Mr. Hakasu lives a few streets over, I’m just gonna–…”

And somehow Shouto has managed to make this worse by tripping down the stairs, knocking over a plastic carton of to-be-potted daffodils, falling on his ass, and knocking one suspender out of place so fast that it whipped around and smacked the fringes of Shouto’s scar before hanging limply at his side like a distressed 18th century damsel. 

“Uh. Sorry,” Shouto stammered lamely, “About the, uh… about the flowers.” He couldn’t make himself look away from those big, dark eyes with ten million thoughts visibly flowing through them like a white-water rapid after a desert rain. 

But one cannot just stay, wearing only too-tight short-shorts and one suspender, on another man’s husband’s porch after such a display, knocking over his daffodils and smacking himself in the face and all that. So Shouto stood, stiffly, apologized for the trouble, and left.

He returned, stone-faced, to his life and his office and his work, and he burnt the flowers Keigo sent him, and he gave Miina blunt, monosyllabic answers when she asked with vapid interest how it went with “that guy with, like, the bird vibes– Keigo?”

Todoroki Shouto did not think about Takami Keigo until about three days later, when an intern whispered into the intercom that he had a visitor. 

And then Shouto knew  _ someone _ was getting hypothermia or a matching scar. 

**Author's Note:**

> On the fourth day of Ficmas the author gave to me: four male mistresses, three useless lesbians, two dumbass heroes, and a start to a Supernatural thing!


End file.
